The Oct. 9 premiere of American Horror Story: Coven introduced us to the wonderful, wacky, and most importantly, wicked, witches of Miss Robichaux’s Academy For Exceptional Young Ladies. They come in many shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common: When you cross them, you end up dead.
Meet The Bitches — I Mean Witches. (No, I Mean Bitches.)
Let’s begin with the head of the school, Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange), known to her lessers as “The Supreme.” If you’re wondering about her big beauty secret, you’ll have to consult the corpses of the men whose youth she literally sucks from their faces — after doing massive amounts of blow, of course. Basically, she’s a rock star.
Scrambling at Fiona’s feet is Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson), the headmistress of the school. Fiona considers her a disappointment, as she never fully “realized” her full potential as a witch. Oh, did I forget to mention that Fiona is also her mom? That part’s pretty important.
And then there are the students of Miss Robichaux’s: telekinetic movie star Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts), human voodoo doll Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), clairvoyant Nan (Jamie Brewer), and new-girl Zoe Benson (Taissa Farmiga).
What’s Zoe’s special gift, you ask? Why, every guy she has sex with suffers a horrific, bloody death, of course!
They squabble at times, but magic powers aside, the students really are just your average, run-of-the-mill teens — unless you take them to a frat party, and then crazy s**t happens. For example, Madison will get gang-raped by a bunch of goons, then she’ll flip the guys’ bus over, killing seven of them as they drive away.
Blasts From The Past
But wait, did you really think this was only a show about present-day witches? In a haunted city like New Orleans? Yeah, right.
The premiere also took us back to the 1830s, where we met Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates), a twisted socialite who got her jollies from torturing slaves in her attic; and Marie Lavaeu (Angela Bassett), the lover of one of those victims — and a powerful voodoo priestess. She made sure Delphine got exactly what she deserved.
Of course, Delphine’s twisted acts are from from over, as the episode ended with Fiona digging up her (very much alive) body!
This show is sick, and I love it. In fact, I dare say it might have the potential to be the best season of American Horror Story yet! What say YOU, HollywoodLifers? Drop a comment with your review of the premiere below.